I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
