I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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