Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize