don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
