We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
