Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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