Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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