If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
