90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
