Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
