I'm so fucking centered right now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
