Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
