Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
