Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
