I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
