I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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