Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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