Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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