I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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