I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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