I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
where am i from again
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
