shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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