forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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