I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
