"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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