just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
