I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Randomize
