we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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