I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
