Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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