party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
