don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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