Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
