very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
