I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
