JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
