Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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