I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
