You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
