Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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