CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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