This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
