i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
