I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
