Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
