College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
