You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
