I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
