i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my being single is dangerous.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
