No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
