"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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