i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
