This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
