would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
