so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
