Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
