Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
