you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
