i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
