There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
