Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
