Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
