So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
