toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
