hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
