Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
