im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
