32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
