thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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