Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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