YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
