we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
