Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
