Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
